By Tristan Loo
The word empathy came to us from the German word of einfuhlung, which means "feeling into." Empathy is having the ability to understand another person and their emotions in pretty much the same way as that person sees themselves. Empathy is a major component of Emotional Intelligence and it is a primary contributor for healthy relationships and communication. Empathy should not be confused with sympathy, however, because empathy involves understanding the other person's views and feelings while still maintaining your own perspectives; whereas sympathy involves adopting another person's feelings and emotions as your own.
One of the difficulties in achieving empathy is that
many people don't have the ability to understand the other person because
they themselves have not experienced that other person's life enough to be
able to "fit in their shoes."
I often use the example of the 1960s television show, The Beverly
Hillbillies, as an example in the difficulties of achieving genuine empathy.
In the show, the Clampetts went from rags to riches overnight by coming
across an oil field on their property by accident. Their fortune enabled
them to move out of their beat-up old log cabin and into a posh Beverly
Hills mansion, yet they still hung on to their simple ways that they grew
accustom to, despite their riches. Each episode usually capitalized on the
socio-cultural differences that existed between the other wealthy Beverly
Hills upper-crest and the simple-minded Clampetts. The wealthy Beverly Hills
residents could not understand the odd, and often, frightening things that
the Clampetts would do and visa versa. This is often the same problem that
many of us encounter when it comes to empathy-we simply can't empathize
because we have no experience or knowledge from which to base our empathetic
judgments from.
Emotional Intelligence teaches us that every human action has a root cause
and purpose. This even holds true for the mentally ill. Empathy is the
ability to associate the appropriate root cause with the action. We might
think that a mentally ill person who is talking to himself is "crazy," but
if we empathize with that person, we might know that the reason why he is
talking to himself is because he believes that he is talking to an
"invisible" person by his side that only he can see.
When training managers on empathy skills, I suggest that they regularly get
out from behind their desk and go work the front lines with their
subordinates on occasion. Not only will this demonstrate great leadership
qualities in them, but it will also help them empathize with their employees
better.
Even in your personal life you can strengthen your relationships by
involving yourself in the activities of the other person. By doing this, you
gain valuable experience that will allow you to better empathize with the
other person. Quaker Preacher and anti-slavery advocate John Woolman
(1720-1772) wanted to symbolically endure the same painful experience the
black slaves suffered when they were forced to walk barefoot from Baltimore
to Philadelphia, so he walked the same path himself and gained a greater
sense of empathy. I don't expect you to do anything as drastic, but part of
building your ability to empathize with others is experiencing first hand
what they have gone through.
Just remember that before you judge, seek to understand. This in an
important quality for any police officer.
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